Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Mirror, Mirror on the wall.

I have two 65watt light bulbs that bright up my room and mirror. I realize that everyday I like to strike a brief pose in my underwear in front of my mirror in my room. Sometimes the pose is dependent on what muscle I worked out that day. Flexing my abs, arms lifted in gladiator pose, backside to the mirror... But sometimes I will do a little sexy pose for myself. I do this mostly as a confidence boost, because as I gaze in the mirror and am checking myself out, I make eye contact with myself, and think you're looking pretty good. "How you doin?" from Joey Tribbiani pops into my head.

However, this was not the same feeling I experienced while searching for jeans last week in a Nordstrom department store. As I am sure you have heard... Nordstrom is having their anniversary sale. I haven't gotten myself a new pair of jeans in over six months, and I had a gift card, so I figured nothing feels as good as finding those perfect jeans. And what a good way to reward myself, since I have been challenging my body lately by trying to perfect my eating habits. As I look around, there isn't much on sale for me, so I grab a pair of Joe's jeans, and then grab the next size up, just in case. This has become a new habit of mine to avoid the walk of shame... back to the jean rack to grab more after the first ones don't give.

In the fitting room, I try on the first pair... which is supposed to be my size, and the denim doesn't even make it halfway up my thigh. I rip them off, and grab the larger pair, and give a long sigh. I think, well at least if they fit and look good, the number doesn't matter. Slowly I pull the one pant leg up, this time it makes it 3/4's the way up my thigh... okay, I'll see if I can fit both legs in and pull them up, stops at the same spot. This is the point when I actually look at myself in the fitting room mirror. I hate what I see looking back at me in the blazing fluorescent light. A tight pair of denim squeezing my American thighs, and not even reaching up to my ass. Hastily, the jeans come off. And I stand there looking at myself in the fitting room mirror. Why do I all of the sudden look so pasty, every dimple in my legs are visible, I turn around to get a look at my backside hanging out of my panties... I am not impressed with what I see this time. I stare for a couple of minutes longer, and finally put back on my clothes. Holding the two pairs of jeans in my hand, I think "If only my body would fit into them, I would feel so much better about myself."

Then as I am leaving the store I realize,

its not my body that didn't fit those jeans, those jeans didn't fit my body!

Searching for a good pair of jeans is harder for me than climbing a mountain! It can feel like a such a trek, and halfway through I always want to give up and turn back. I know there are certain brands that are supposed to flatter pear shaped girls, but even so, it's not always a guarantee. Gap's curvy section is always a good bet, Lucky's can have a few cuts, True Religion are reliable, and I thought Joe's jeans as well (but lately, they have been making mostly long and lean or cigarette cuts). I will have to work up the courage to continue my search for a new pair. In reality it's mostly a vanity issue, I don't need new jeans right now, instead I was hoping to find a new pair to make me look as bangin' as I was feeling with my progress lately.

If anything this experience will only keep me on track to reach my health goals and stay in shape. Finding the perfect pair of jeans that fit my legs, ass, and waist will have to stay on the wayside, until jean lines decide to keep up with me!


  1. It will all be worth it when you find the perfect pair. My perfect pair are going on 5 years and now they just tore half way across the knee. I need to go shopping soon.

  2. dude, so feel this on many different levels. nudies are amazing, by the by... i JUST ripped them like 5 minutes ago actually, since i wear them every single day. right on the inside of my thighs, near the crotch. of course! but yeah, i feel you there.

  3. This is exactly why I loathe shopping for jeans. They never fit in every way & I'm really short so I nearly always have to hem them anyway.

    Great post! I'm really digging the blog.

  4. Yes! I haven't been jeans shopping in nearly a year. I don't want to go either, until "I lose some weight". Uh, yeah.


    Thank you for blogging. I really love your attitude! Helps me pep up when I'm feeling gross.

  5. Hi, my name is Sarah and I'm the author of the body-positive health and wellness blog "Grub first," found at http://www.grubfirst.wordpress.com.

    Just wanted to let you know that I very much enjoy your writing and put a link up to your page on Grub first. Take a look at my blog and, if you like what you see, perhaps consider linking to my site as well!

    Thanks, Sarah

  6. We should all have jeans like my cousin. She buys the pair of jeans she likes in 3 sizes so on the days when the thighs are not the only thing bulging, she can slip in to the larger size[s] She does the same with work clothes. Starts her day off good everyday. Oh, by the way, she cuts the sizes out of the jeans! So clever. Good idea for bathing suits???